Cleaning House

For the sake of simplification, the never-read Moron Machine is now merging with the minutely read Playroom. See you there!

My comments on the Hulk and Linda Hogan divorce

This was my comment on the MSN message board:

Aghast and amazed said:

Oh, for the gold-digger remarks, get a dictionary for the definition of the term. It doesn't apply here. She may be spoiled and a spendthrift, but not a gold-digger.

Thank you! Just what I was going to say.

I don't really like Linda, but I don't think she's a gold digger. More a rich man's wife who has never had to work and is completely out of touch with reality.

I believe it was Johnny Carson's fourth wife who epitomized the definition of "gold digger." They had only been married a few years when she divorced him and she was crying that she couldn't live on $34,000 a month. Now that's a gold digger!

Unfortunately, in the Hogans' case, both of their kids seem like spoiled, sheltered celebrity babies. I think they're the ones who will have the rudest awakening in the future. Nick especially seems to be headed for trouble. Brooke is not a great singing talent, the only thing she has going for her is youth and looks and both of those fade.

There have been others that have said that the whole family is out of touch with reality. I think that's fairly well true. The vicious, vindictive, misogynist comments that I've seen from some of you men are pretty distressing. Most women are not in fact gold diggers and I prefer to believe that most men are not vindictive misogynists. If you're bitter because women seem to want to get away from you after being with you a while, you might want to check your attitude about women. It might explain why women want to cut and run from your presence.

Smarter than I thought it was

Cash Advance Loans

Time wasting

You Are Bobby Brady

Ultra competitive, you will do almost anything to win. From pull ups to pool sharking, you're very talented. And while everyone is aware of your victories, they still (affectionately) consider you to be a little brat!

What Brady Are You?

Rock of Love Recap

The time has come once again to show that I am in no way a professional critic, I just like to bitch about certain things. And what better to bitch about than these train wreck bachelor/ette shows on VH1.

The skank in question is Bret Michaels. I actually think Bret seems like someone who would make a good friend. But would I want him for a boyfriend? I'd probably take him before Flavor Flav, who I also think would make a cool friend. But both Bret and Flav are tore up from the floor up, and they've been with everything else under the sun, so...no thanks. Besides, I'm one of those women that wouldn't interest them. I don't try to be hot, I have had very little plastic surgery, my very average sized boobs are actually mine, and I wear clothes that cover my multitude of sins when I'm out in public. And probably the biggest deal breaker: I have my own interests and goals, and my kid comes first. Somehow this just ain't what Bret and Flav are looking for. And that's fine by me!

The Rock of Love has something that none of the two Flavor of Loves nor I Love New York had. A contenstant that I actually HATE! I thought Hottie was goofy as hell. I thought New York was bitchy, but I didn't actively hate her. I thought that Chance proved himself to be something of a dick. And I don't like Heather the overcured ham. (thanks to Catherine for that apt comparison!) But nor do I really hate any of these people.

Lacey, however, I think is a gen-yu-wine 100 proof beeeyatch with a capital B! I know this heartless succubus makes for good television, particularly considering the genre. But seeing her sociopathic, scheming face makes me feel bulimic. In other words, I want to throw up anything I may have eaten during the day when I view her malevolent mug. She is the one contestant on any of these shows where I find myself saying "oh for fuck's sake, I don't CARE if she's entertaining, put a fucking stake through her heart and be done with it!"

So Mia the nice girl got sent home, to nobody's surprise. Sorry, Ladies, but these guys who imagine themselves to be tres hot will never go for a nice girl. Bret likes skanky, overdone blondes, which is why I have my money on the overcured ham. Lacey is just way too much of a bitch and she doesn't have anything else going for her either, even the dubious quality of "hotness." She has a boyish figure, not much in the way of boobs (not that I have a ton in that department, just sayin') and no butt. All this could be overlooked if not for the satanic sneer that perpetually graces her not particularly attractive face. Every time I see her I wish that Buffy the Vampire Slayer would swing onto the set and take the bitch out. Just saying.

As to the remaining wannabe Bret schtoinkers, I find Sam and Jes actually likeable. I don't dislike Brandi, but she is showing her true sluttiness more and more.

With the previews, I also find myself needing to air a pet peeve.

Chicks making out with other chicks for the sake of turning dudes on.

If someone is a real, genuine lesbian, power to you. I don't have a problem with that. I also don't have a problem with someone who is actually bisexual. It's these "mostly straight" chicks that will stick their tongue down another woman's throat just to get some guy worked up. Girlfriend, come on! If you really want other women, that's one thing, but you need to figure it out for yourself. Doing it to get some guy hotted up--well--if he wouldn't be interested in you for yourself, then he ain't worth your damn time. Sadly, Ladies, we still just don't get it.

What inspired this rant was the preview for the next show where three skanky looking wenches with fake boobs show up to interrogate the contestants. One of them asks Jes if she's a good kisser, and Jes proceeds to lay a "for the television tittilate the guys" smooch on her. Sorry y'all...from me, the answer would have been "yeah--with a guy." Perhaps the point I'm trying to get at is that being a straight woman isn't "cool" these days--but if a GUY shows bisexual or gay tendencies, well, that's gross. What I hate is the hypocrisy.

Of course anybody can be bought...and if you'd have slapped some primo cash in my hand, I'd have kissed the skanky ho-bag wench with the fake boobs too. Which is probably what it's all about when it comes down to it. How desperate are you for money. Somehow I'd be relieved to find out that Jes did it for a few extra bucks and not for Bret's benefit. I still find myself wondering if that dude's looked in the mirror or at the calendar lately. He isn't hideous, but he has been around the block a few too many times to be thinking himself as hot as he imagines.

The Pick-Up Artist

Please, somebody tell me this shit is scripted!
Are you fucking kidding me? This guy is such a JAG! Do women actually fall for this shit?
Women who are just looking to get laid, maybe?
The dorky guys are actually more appealing. Not that I'm looking, but honestly? I'd rather have someone who approached me like a human being, not like a potential sex doll for the night.
The plump fellow actually seems really sweet. Why doesn't he try meeting women somewhere that has an intellectual component to it, like a book discussion group, or even a wine tasting, instead of a nightclub. He might find someone who wants to talk, not just party.
I'd be tempted to tell the pick up artist to pick this up, Bitch, as I threw a drink on him. I hate guys that think they have the golden ticket to my golden triangle. Let me turn around and you can kiss my back cheeks, Bitch!
Gaaah!
But this shit is fun to watch if only to show me that I am NOT the "Biggest Loser" either in weight loss or in personality.

Flavor of Love 3 Casting

I heard it through the grapevine from the Flavor Of Love and Other Reality Train Wrecks blog. There will be a Flavor of Love 3. Yeehah--super train wreck time! And a nice lady calling herself Flavalicious would like to be on the show. She looks like a real person, not just a pair of boobs like some of the others. I like real people! So help her out by going to the Flavor of Love Casting site and voting for her!